How does Santa Claus travel across the entire world in a single night? How has he lived for this long? How can he carry all those toys on his sleigh? These are the questions non-believers use to try and convince believers that Santa Claus doesn’t exist. The good news for all those that want to believe in Santa is there’s one answer to all those questions: Santa Claus is a Time Lord.
As a Doctor Who addict, this revelation, surprisingly, only struck me the other day. I quickly googled “santa claus, time lord” and discovered (sadly) I wasn’t the first Whovian to make this connection. On the bright side, it made it much easier to compile all the evidence for why Santa Claus is a Time Lord.
1. He travels the entire globe in one night: Even if Santa’s sleigh traveled at light speed, the act of delivering the presents to each house would take too much time to do in a single night. However, if Santa could travel through both time and space, this becomes an entirely plausible task. Santa could literally be in 2 (or 2,000) places at once. His sleigh is clearly a TARDIS with a functioning chameleon circuit.
2. He can carry all those gifts on a single sleigh in a single sack: If Santa’s sleigh is a TARDIS, it’s obviously bigger on the inside. The entrance to the TARDIS might even be the opening of his sack of toys (assuming in this scenario the sack and sleigh are connected). This would explain its seemingly bottomless nature. The TARDIS could also transform from the sleigh into the sack of toys when Santa entered a home.
3. Santa can enter anyone’s home: The idea that a man as rotund as Santa Claus could enter a family’s house through their chimney is ridiculous. This is likely propaganda spread by Santa himself to hide the truth (after all, breaking and entering seems much more acceptable if it’s done through a chimney). In actuality, Santa just uses his sonic screwdriver to unlock the door. He could also just materialize the TARDIS within a home, but that might lead to an unfortunate accident at some point.
4. Santa is really really old and has taken many forms: Saint Nicholas was born in 272 AD and died in 343 AD. Over the centuries, the story of Saint Nicholas transformed into the story of Santa Claus. Perhaps the story changed because Saint Nicholas himself changed. The reason for the constant evolving of Santa’s appearance could be because it changes with every Time Lord regeneration. And the only way Saint Nicholas could still be alive 1740 years after his birth is if he was a Time Lord.
Can you think of any other reasons why Santa Claus has to be a Time Lord? Share them in the comments section.