Santa Claus is a Time Lord

How does Santa Claus travel across the entire world in a single night? How has he lived for this long? How can he carry all those toys on his sleigh? These are the questions non-believers use to try and convince believers that Santa Claus doesn’t exist. The good news for all those that want to believe in Santa is there’s one answer to all those questions: Santa Claus is a Time Lord.

Santa Claus: Time Lord

As a Doctor Who addict, this revelation, surprisingly, only struck me the other day. I quickly googled “santa claus, time lord” and discovered (sadly) I wasn’t the first Whovian to make this connection. On the bright side, it made it much easier to compile all the evidence for why Santa Claus is a Time Lord.

1. He travels the entire globe in one night: Even if Santa’s sleigh traveled at light speed, the act of delivering the presents to each house would take too much time to do in a single night. However, if Santa could travel through both time and space, this becomes an entirely plausible task. Santa could literally be in 2 (or 2,000) places at once. His sleigh is clearly a TARDIS with a functioning chameleon circuit.

2. He can carry all those gifts on a single sleigh in a single sack: If Santa’s sleigh is a TARDIS, it’s obviously bigger on the inside. The entrance to the TARDIS might even be the opening of his sack of toys (assuming in this scenario the sack and sleigh are connected). This would explain its seemingly bottomless nature. The TARDIS could also transform from the sleigh into the sack of toys when Santa entered a home.

3. Santa can enter anyone’s home: The idea that a man as rotund as Santa Claus could enter a family’s house through their chimney is ridiculous. This is likely propaganda spread by Santa himself to hide the truth (after all, breaking and entering seems much more acceptable if it’s done through a chimney). In actuality, Santa just uses his sonic screwdriver to unlock the door. He could also just materialize the TARDIS within a home, but that might lead to an unfortunate accident at some point.

4. Santa is really really old and has taken many forms: Saint Nicholas was born in 272 AD and died in 343 AD. Over the centuries, the story of Saint Nicholas transformed into the story of Santa Claus. Perhaps the story changed because Saint Nicholas himself changed. The reason for the constant evolving of Santa’s appearance could be because it changes with every Time Lord regeneration. And the only way Saint Nicholas could still be alive 1740 years after his birth is if he was a Time Lord.

Can you think of any other reasons why Santa Claus has to be a Time Lord? Share them in the comments section.

American Whovians, Double Check Your DVRs!

As every Whovian in America knows, the latest new episode of DOCTOR WHO (“The Almost People”) did not air here in the states over the Memorial Day weekend because BBC America thought the show’s ratings would be hurt by the holiday. To add insult to injury, upon searching through my scheduled DVR recordings on AT&T U-Verse, I noticed DOCTOR WHO was not scheduled to record this Saturday. Now I imagine many people have viewed “The Almost People” online through slightly less than legal means, but I think those that haven’t would be incredibly peeved, after waiting an extra week for this new episode, if it did not record.

Don't miss out on The Doctor and Amy's next adventure

I’ve had this problem with U-Verse before when trying to record first-run episodes of a show on BBC America. Often, U-Verse will list the British air-date as the original air-date of BBC America programs and, as a result, I missed more than one airing of LAW & ORDER: UK.  Currently the original air-date of “The Almost People” is listed as 5-28-11 (the date it aired in the UK) and so if you have your U-Verse DVR set to record only “first-run” episodes of DOCTOR WHO, the show will not record this Saturday!

I don’t know if this phenomenon carries over to any other cable or satellite providers’ DVR systems, but please spread the word. No Whovian should be further punished just for living in America.

10 Signs of the Geek Apocalypse

The rapture may not have happened on May 21st, but that doesn’t mean we’re safe. Be on the lookout, for these are the ten signs of the geek apocalypse:

1. Craftsman releases their first line of Sonic Screwdrivers.

2. Oscar Winner: Nathan Fillion.

3. Alan Moore supports the film adaptation of one of his graphic novels.

4. A Gotham Central television series launches with Andre Braugher as Crispus Allen.

5. Joss Whedon writes and directs The Avengers.

6. Comic scribe Kieron Gillen meets Doctor Who actress Karen Gillan.

7. Bruce Campbell reprises the role of Ash in Evil Dead 4.

8. George Lucas disowns the Star Wars prequels.

9. New episodes of Firefly begin filming.

10. One word: Hoverboards.

Is Doctor Who REALLY a children’s show?

I’m American, and because of that my path to DOCTOR WHO likely differs greatly from the ones taken by the show’s British audience. The first references to Doctor Who I’d ever heard were in articles about comic book conventions. A comic book website would post pictures of costumed convention-goers and inevitably there would be an individual with a long colored scarf. For a long time that’s all I knew about the Doctor, he wore a scarf, that’s it.

The current Doctor and his companions

A few months before TORCHWOOD’s season/series two premiere on BBC America, I learned James Marsters (Spike on BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER) would be guest-starring in the DOCTOR WHO spinoff’s first episode. This made TORCHWOOD required viewing, and it became my introduction into the world of DOCTOR WHO.

I watched the first two seasons of TORCHWOOD before I even considered watching DOCTOR WHO, and TORCHWOOD was most definitely not a children’s show. So when I did start watching DOCTOR WHO, I believed, like TORCHWOOD, the Doctor’s adventures were largely intended for adult viewing. Nothing in the episodes really argued against this opinion. In every episode of DOCTOR WHO, people died. People assimilated by Cybermen, exterminated by Daleks, and slaughtered by various other alien species. If the Doctor shows up, sure he’ll save the world, but before he does, a bunch of people will usually meet their maker. That’s not something we associate with many children’s programs here in the states, so I was a tad surprised when I read this quote from Alex Kingston in an interview with EW.com:

“The one thing I hope is that more children in America get on board. In England, Doctor Who has always been considered a children’s show, at least by children. My daughter and her contemporaries, they feel like it’s their show. Parents are allowed to watch but it’s the children’s show.”

Calling DOCTOR WHO’s current iteration, complexly plotted by Steven Moffat, a children’s show would be like us in the states calling LOST a kid’s show. Perhaps that isn’t the perfect comparison, but it’s pretty close. The current story arcs on DOCTOR WHO often become insanely complicated. The first ten minutes of the season six premiere had to be watched at least twice to fully understand everything that was happening. As an adult, I love when a show challenges me to keep up. But I have to imagine an 8-year old could be left mightily confused.

"I swear your kids won't have nightmares about me. Now watch as I rip this poor woman to shreds."

If DOCTOR WHO’s only crime as a supposed children’s show was to force kids to keep up with smart complex plotting, this entry wouldn’t be about questioning the children’s show label, but rather proclaiming why all children in the US should be tuning into BBC America every Saturday at 9 PM Eastern Time. But do you see that spooky looking guy above? He’s part of an alien race called the Silence and they were the villains for the two-part premiere. Also, they were pretty damn scary.

Not since the BUFFY episode “Hush” have I seen such creepy creatures on my television screen, and I certainly would never consider that BUFFY episode appropriate for a second grader. There was a chilling scene in last week’s episode, “Day of the Moon”, featuring Karen Gillan as Amy Pond visiting a rundown orphanage filled with members of the Silence. The scene was genius, but it would’ve been right at home in an R-rated horror film like THE DESCENT.

Now DOCTOR WHO does shy away from any sexual content (at most there’s a kiss here or there and maybe a line of innuendo or two) and, despite all the deaths, there never seems to be any blood, but do those things alone qualify it as a children’s show? If DOCTOR WHO didn’t have a nearly 50-year long history in the UK and the current version of the show was judged only on it’s own content rather than on what DOCTOR WHO has historically been, would any objective viewer claim this show was made for children? I can’t imagine they would.

Blog-A-Day Challenge: Day 26